How To Use Bankai By Uryu The Quincy
by twent47blue
Summary: This is a spoof lemon of Bleach.Culled from the original,Bleach & its characters are not mine.What will happen if Uryu try to learn how to use Bankai will he be able to defeat Ichigo?Please be advised all the characters are way OOC,this is written for fun


There has to be a switch or an alarm that tells you when a relationship has to expire, or one of the partner has reached their limits and needed to be away from their partner before they hurt their other half.

I had lived with Ichigo for a number of years now, and I had reached my patience with the man. I have never pictured myself in that situation before now that I'm in one. We had a good start, a quincy and a soul reaper, what a combination; there's got to be a law against this union, they could never be, it couldn't or shouldn't be recognized nor even be accepted. But the thing is, whatever we are in the other dimension or world, we are still both human and top it all men. That alone should made us think twice about it. But alas, I let Ishi junior decide for me when it jumped out of its confines and greet his Ichi junior or should it be Ichigo super size! If you could only see the size of that thing, (no wonder Orihime has her panties bunched up or even Yoruichi would transform to human in her naked form just to be with Ichigo!) I mean, I literarily moaned when I felt that huge rod poking at me between my legs. That alone is one of the many wonders of Kurasaki Ichigo, he set the two worlds in a frenzy just by his mere presence.

"Uryu."he called me the minute he walked in the door.

I unconsciously moaned, no matter the number of years we add to our relationship, this man could turn me into jello just by merely calling my name. The man is sex on two legs. There's no other way to describe him. The women have regular cat fights whenever he talked to one of them. If I was a weak person or have no special skills or powers, I would be dead by now, because the women will skin you alive, even the soul reapers are after him, Rangiku is the scariest of them all, she's big and powerful and one beyatch you're not supposed to tangle with when it comes to their men, good thing I'm a quincy.

Ichigo even had to use bankai to protect me from Rukia and Renji. Sometimes I wonder why I allowed myself in this position but, Ichigo Kurasaki is all worth it. I'm lucky to have him.

"Welcome home." I greeted, smiling.

But some good things has its end. For Ichigo and me, its this time. I don't want to do this but he broke one of the unwritten rules of partnership, deception, when you lie to your partner or you broke their trust. I trusted him, he even told me that there's nothing going on between Rukia and him. But I caught him and I know he cheated me and lied flat out to my face. I know I'm not the hottest thing walking in two legs but I am the last of my line, and yes, another man, but still I threw all caution to the wind so that I can be with him. And I was the catcher in the relationship, how could I ever stoop so low?

"I'll call you later. I can't talk right now. Yes. At the usual place." I heard whispers in the dead of the night.

Ichigo never set his phone to vibrate, he love this game ring tone he just downloaded and he would even dance to it every time his phone rings. He even bug me to call him so that he would hear it. But these past few days, I haven't heard his phone rings, and he doesn't bug me about calling him. As the matter of fact he is always out of the house and I don't know where he is and who is he with. Its probably my fault because I never asked before, I never cared before. We are classmates, so we usually go home at the same time, he doesn't even have clubs like I do. And his other friends like Chad and the others have their own life and activities so they don't invite him somewhere, and if they do, they invite me, even half-heartedly they would, because they knew that Ichigo and I are together.

I never drink. And I prided myself for being a strong man. But I do love that red head with everything I got. There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do if it involves Ichigo. Hell, I even asked his father and sisters permission that Ichigo moves in with me. But, I have a hard time dealing with this. Dealing with the situation at hand. I don't know what's going on, and I already run out of ideas how to get it out of him without him lying to me more.

I decided one desperate attempt. Seduce him. And ask him after the deed. Not only would I get rid of these sexual tension that had been eating at me, I would finally get the truth out in the open. I'm not a sexual person, in fact, most of our sexcapades are initiated by the red head. But desperate times, calls for desperate measures.

I waited in bed, drunk from the big bottle of sake I purchased on the way home. I even went online got those sexy tongs they were advertising, not really knowing how to put it on, I even have to surf the net and looked at naked pictures just to be sure I got the right side on. When I got that done, I showered in those new scent of body soap that I know he's going to love. Scent Of Passion, it says, but its actually just strawberry scented liquid soap. Changed the bed sheets, again, purchased red silk sheer sheets just for this.

I was spraying some body spray when I heard the door opened. I clumsily sprinted on the bed, tripped and almost hurt myself because I was so drunk I couldn't walk straight. I'm really going to kill someone, especially a soul reaper with red hair if I don't know the truth by the end of this night. I managed to flop down on the bed without anymore incident or desperate tumble that would have killed me with all his toys and gadgets all over the bedroom floor.

I was heaving like a person with asthma attack when the said soul reaper finally humbled me with his presence. He stood by the door, eyed the candles all over the place.

"U-Uryu, what's this?" he asked, a little taken aback, not only by the romantic setting I had desperately put together, but also his frigid lover is half naked on the bed wearing tongs with bells on it and half drunk.

I reached for him awkwardly, doing what the guy in the porn I watched the other day did to seduce his lover. "C-Come here, lover." I called in a whisper, not knowing how to sound sexy.

The air is so quiet, I almost heard Ichigo gulped all the way across the room.

"O-okay." He said, and took a step, watching his way from all the candles all over the floor.

"Take off your clothes." I commanded, my head is spinning from all that sake but I'm determined to pull this off.

"Oh, right." He said, fumbling with jackets, shirts and pants, he yelped when he almost burned one of his clothes, and decided to blow out some of the candles near the bed.

"Hurry up!" I cried impatiently.

"Yes!" he yelped and jumped up on the bed, panting, I let out a moan by the sight of the sexy Ichigo. Yes, this. I want to keep this. All mine. No beyatch is going to steal my man.

"What's all these?" he asked, huskily, trailing his fingers on my chest, the dog collar with a chain, I let out a loud moan, as if his mere touch left burning trails across my body. When his fingers fumbled with the bells on my tongs, I tilted my head back and caught my breathe in my throat. I heard him gulped again.

"Y-You don't like it?" I asked him, a little breathless. My hair was pulled back with mousse and I was wearing contacts so I can see him, posing the way I saw the actor in the porn movie did.

You did these all for me?" he asked, leaning closer, his breathe on my skin. I don't need the sake to get me intoxicated, having Ichigo this close is all I need to get me high and drunk.

"Yes." I replied, in a whisper, closing my eyes, "I'm your pet, tame me, master." I said, handing him the end of the chain connected to the collar on my neck. I meant it, too. Without realizing it, I wasn't role-playing anymore. Because I know I am his.

"Uryu." He whispered, kissing the crook of my neck, and I drowned myself in that moment.

Ichigo kissed the quincy real slow, like a delectable feast, he savored every bite, nip and kiss. He never seen his shy lover this way, and he never seen him behave this way. And he felt a little guilty for ignoring him these past few days. He had been busy planning something for the last quincy of the netherworlds.

Heady and dizzy from the sake, and Ichigo's kisses he was panting. Ichigo opened him like a present, as it was his birthday not Uryu's. Trailing hot kisses down his body, taking those small buds in his mouth, sucking and nipping them between his teeth until its all red and hard, he didn't leave a part of Uryu's body unexplored, he left love bites everywhere. Uryu was moaning weakly, it took a lot of will power for him not to cream right then and there.

"Now, I want you now." He whispered desperately, moaning, gripping the silk sheets around him.

"Wait. Wait, love." Ichigo whispered, as he took him in his mouth, licking him like a melting popsicle, sticking his tongue in his lover's hole, tasting him, moaning at the pleasure of his essence. Ichigo was drowning at the pleasure of Uryu's body. So smooth, even the man's sweat tasted good.

"You tasted so good, babe." Ichigo murmured, licking him all the way down to his toes, and he took each digit in his mouth, sucking, licking, not leaving any part untouched, and then he climbed back up. Kissing, licking and nipping a new path up the man's body.

Uryu was moaning and bucking his hips closer to Ichigo, foreplay and role-play forgotten, all he wants is Ichigo on top of him. Dizzy from desire, his arms flailing, reaching for him.

"Now, please." Uryu begged.

"Yes, my love, now." He said, reaching for his hand and kissing it.

He positioned himself between the quincy, teasing his entrance with the tip, Uryu bucked his hips to meet him eagerly, "Now, Ichigo." He moaned. So, Ichigo complied to his wishes, entered him smoothly, it was hot and tight, he closed his eyes in pleasure at the tightness. No matter how many times they had done it, Uryu is always tight. Uryu has the ability to squeeze him in, eating him, and sucking him in. Ichigo let out a moan as he began to move, slowly at first and then developed his speed, rolling his hips and plunging deeper and deeper into the tight wetness known as his lover's sweet hole.

Then Uryu did something he never done before in all their times together, he sat up on top of his lover, his lithe body on top of Ichigo, his arms around the soul reaper's neck. And they began their dance again, one hip meeting the other, faster, deeper. The two men forgot how many times they had did it that night. All the candles burnt out of the room when they both flopped back on the bed, still connected in the dark, arms around each other. Whispering I love you's and kissing welcoming the day in each other's arms.

When Uryu woke up, he couldn't move. He reached for the red head sleepily but he wasn't there. He had forgotten about his plan about interrogating him about those calls in the middle of the night, and yes, the times he went home so late. But his partner wasn't there. When he found his strength to get up, he found a note from Ichigo, to meet him somewhere.

The quincy was pissed, he threw away the letter. He tried calling Ichigo but the red head wouldn't answer his phone. So furious he dug up the letter again and went to the appointed location. It was an old canteen where they first met as classmates, Uryu was on his way home and Ichigo coaxed him to join him for a snack. It was officially their very first date.

Why would Ichigo want to meet him there? That place was already closed down. He knocked on the door, he was doubtful that anyone would be there but still he tried.

"Hello?" he asked, knocking carefully, the door opened. His sixth sense tingling when he the door opened to a dark room. "Ichigo?" he called. He heard a thud and he run in, fearing his lover might be in danger.

"Surprise!!" a group of people yelled, and bright lights almost blinded him. In the center of the room is the culprit, holding a large birthday cake, all smiles. Everyone is there. Even Byakuya and all the other captains are there. "Happy Birthday, Uryu!" they all shouted.

Uryu was caught by surprise. So this is all the hiding and secret rendezvous was all about, he was touched. Yes, he really was. Ichigo did all of this for him.

But Uryu was still pissed, everyone was drunk, Kenpatchi is bellowing to his heart's content while holding the microphone singing to some pop song. Everyone is singing along with him, everyone is happy.

Ichigo walked up to him, he was sitting in the corner watching everything.

"What are you doing over here, babe?" he asked, a little disappointed that he didn't get the reaction he wanted from the quincy.

"Oh, I'm still a little sore from all the acrobatics we did last night, but thank you for this, Ichigo. You caught me by surprise." Uryu said with a smile. "So these are all the secrets were about, the whispering and late nights." Ichigo grinned happily as he nodded.

Uryu leaned closer to him, and Ichigo smiled, he will finally get the kiss that he had been waiting for. But Uryu didn't kiss him, "Ichigo, you have that badge with you, right?" he asked curiously. Meaning the seal that changes him to a soul reaper. Ichigo nodded and showed it to him.

Uryu took it. "What do you want with it?" he asked, as the quincy took it from him and without answering slap it across his forehead changing him to a soul reaper. "Why did you do that for?" Ichigo asked, surprised.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at the pair. Uryu didn't reply, he took Ichigo by the hand and they both stand up.

"Could you lend me your zanpaku-to?" Uryu asked his lover.

"Huh?" Ichigo had a dumb look on his face but unsheathe the sword and handed it to his lover, curious what the quincy was going to do.

Everyone was mesmerized, no one said a single word. Uryu took the big sword with both hands, a little big for his small frame but he managed to raise it up his head with both hands.

"What are you doing, babe?" Ichigo started to ask, worriedly.

"Bankai!!" Uryu cried, and started chopping after the red head soul reaper who is busy running away from him. Uryu kept shouting, "Bankai!"

Everyone was laughing, "You go Ishida!" Renji cried, "Chop his balls out!"

"Renji, you bastard! Honey! Stop it! That's not how it is done and you are not a soul reaper!" he cried, crouching against the tall Kenpatchi. Everyone move away laughing.

"The brave Kurasaki running away from a quincy after beating the Arrancar." The tenth captain, Toshiro Hitsugaya commented.

"After I did the #&# and the #&? you didn't tell me about this!" Uryu was furious. Isshin asked Yuzu and Karin to cover their ears, everyone gasped in surprise.

"You go, Uryu!" Orihime cried. The men are chuckling as they watched the mild manner quincy running after Ichigo with his own zanpaku-to, crying Bankai and other explicit details on how they spent their nights behind closed doors.

In the end, Renji secretly told Ishida that he will teach him how to develop and use Bankai for his next battle with Ichigo. In bed.

Owari

Author's note: Some words are changed, not typo error but done on purpose, but if you read it careful you would know what the real word is. And the #&#(# and (#()# well, I don't need to explain what those are, right?


End file.
